My Junk Drawer, My Shame

So my (ANAL --- oops, did I type that out?) mother called this morning to ask what I was going to do today.

Do? I don't know. Frankly, I'd prefer to do absolutely nothing. It has been raining for something like 532 days and nights. I could go out and begin building an ark, but that would require a trip to Home Depot, which to me is worse than Chinese water torture. If you've got a 'thing' for Plumbers Crack, Home Depot is the place for you. The place reeks of testosterone.

I suppose I could do what I normally do on rainy days... mope around. I've perfected the rainy day mope. Instead, I will probably do what I do every day, pick up stuff, move stuff, and do stuff.

Stuff. The word defines my life. I'm surrounded by stuff. There's always stuff here, stuff there. What's with all this stuff? Why do we need so much stuff?

Of course there's stuff that matters. Stuff like family photo albums, videos, heirlooms. That's the GOOD stuff. At the other end of the stuff spectrum is the 'what the hell is this stuff?'

From the "What The Hell IS This Stuff File: Junk Drawer Stuff.

A recent search for a pair of scissors sent me searching through the abyss that is our junk drawer. I carefully opened THE junk drawer... all the while fearing for my life. Would something live and hairy jump out and latch itself to my face?

The contents of the junk drawer sent me into junk drawer warrior mode. A freak-out was in order. Searching through the drawer was an archeological dig, and it occurred to me that the household junk drawer says a lot about the family. Our junk drawer looked like a bizarre post-modern art slop project.

WHY, I pondered, was there a 1/4 full bag of rock hard sour gummy bears jammed toward the very back of the junk drawer? Is someone saving these mummified sour gummies in case of, say, a gummy bear famine? Which one of the teenage mutants held that bag of gummy bears in his hand and thought, "This definitely needs to go in the junk drawer! If there is a 'run' on sour gummy bears, I will be King of the gummy world!"

Here is a short list of other 'treasures' found in the junk drawer.

Markers - without caps. I suppose one never knows when a dead marker will come in handy. Could make the perfect projectile to be used in combination with the one zillion paper clips and rubber bands. Don't tell me I don't know how teenage mutants think. If it can be made into some sort of launchable device, they will try

Misc. loose batteries. Are they dead? Are they alive? Will anyone ever test them to find out?

Rocks. Did one to the teenage mutants stand over the junk drawer, shake his head, and relieve himself of the rocks from his head? WHY are there rocks in this drawer? WHY?

Screws. Oh my gawd! Eureka! I've found the loose screws which were holding their rocks in place!

One skateboard wheel

The K button from our old keyboard. THE reason I had to buy a new keyboard. Damnit!

One crunched up fortune cookie, still in wrapper. Another item kept in case of famine?

One empty tube of Super Glue

Ah-ha! There's that thermos cap!

One skull and crossbones shoelace

This list could go on and on. The point here is... what the hell was the point? Oh yeah... the point is today will be yet another day of dealing with stuff. Frig it, I think I'll just go stuff my head under the covers and take a nice long rainy day nap.

The teenage mutants go back to school in 6 days, 17 hours, and 12 minutes.

Not that I'm counting down or anything... *Twitch, Twitch*