Just call him Aflac

January 1, 2007


'Cause his lips are so swolen they look like a duck's bill. The child's face looks like it was force fed through a meat grinder.

I keep wandering past him... and have to force myself not to call out, "Aflac!"

Thing2, 13 years old, after face planting it at the ski resort.

Snowboarding rule #1: Land on the board, not your face.

Conversation with Thing1, who called home immediately after Thing2 snowboarded with his very own face:

"Mom, you better hurry and come get Thing2, I'm pretty sure his eyeball is hanging out of his head by a tiny tendon. There's blood and what I think may be brain bits sacttered all over the mountain."

Thank you ever so much, Thing1, for giving me an immediate panic attack. Your time will come, Thing1. I know where you sleep and have complete control over your cell phone/Xbox/computer usage, ya twirp.

Thankfully Thing2 will be just fine, once the face morph heals.

Happy New Year!

"AFLAC!"